Digging through the past...

I have had so many thoughts on my mind lately as I have been digging into old pictures and old letters from friends and loved ones – keepsakes that are now being kept or tossed as I move on in my life. I have been overwhelmed by the love shown to me throughout my life through dear friends and loved ones. Colleen Barrows, I continue to find note after note from you encouraging me and reminding me of how much you love me! What a blessing you have been in my life! I think these past seven years abroad have grown me, but they have also hardened me quite a bit. So much of the romance of life seems to have disappeared. Part of that is this new stage in life called being a parent. Part of it is because I have forgotten how beautiful and peaceful and evening sky can be on any given night here in the States.

Coming back to B-town in and of itself always brings with it so many memories of great times in my past – some times that I am not so fond of and others that I wish I could have over and over again. My parents allowed me to have such an amazing childhood, full of wonder and excitement. They never stifled me, and they always encouraged me to be me. I never felt like I was an embarrassment to them or that they were ashamed of me in any way, and I am so thankful for that! I hope my kids feel the same thing from Brian and me.

Because I have lived away and out of this town since I have been married, it is always a little awkward to come home. “Home” has changed in so many ways, but the memories that I hold here always return and come flooding back. It leaves a weird feeling in my gut. My life almost doesn’t even seem like the same life. It’s as though I lived a life pre-20s that radically changed and probably won’t ever go back. Do others experience this? I know we all grow up and move on, but do other people get this?

Since we have been home, so many people have asked me if I am glad to be back. I guess I am, but for the most part I don’t know how to feel yet. It still feels very unreal, and in some ways painful because we don’t have our own roots and connections here yet. We have our families, but they feel like vacation – so relaxing and comfortable. I don’t know what life looks for us yet as a family – working and paying bills, finding a church family, etc.

I guess all I can hope for right now is that God will bring the romance of His beauty back into my life, and that I will share that with my husband and girls. I am longing to be in His presence and see His face anew. I want to know Him more. I want to be a shining light for Him.

Our community experienced a severe storm last night, and it literally took out homes. It looks like the destruction of a tornado, and oddly, I find myself somewhat enjoying the fact that the community does not have power right now. People are out clearing branches and trees off of their houses. People are going without air conditioning, internet, landline phones, cable, etc. Wal-Mart is closed, along with many other businesses. McDonalds was booming today – of course, they would be prepared for this type of catastrophe and be open for service. I hate that homes have been destroyed, meat has gone rotten, and historical buildings have been defaced, but I love that people are helping each other out, getting out of their houses, meeting in the churches, and feeling what it is like to be in need again. It’s amazing how our perspectives can change when things like this happen.

And this brings me back to my findings in the basement – so many handwritten letters from friends and loved ones because there didn’t used to be cell phones. I wasn’t always available when I was away at camp or on a trip. And I have those letters today because they impacted my life so much! Here’s to the old! While I must get rid of some of those random pictures and articles, I am so thankful for the reminder of His providence in my past, and I am blown away at how much I took things for granted. Lord, thank you for friends and loved ones who loved on me over and over again. Bless them abundantly, and let me never forget the love that you have shown to me through them. I praise you, Lord, for you are Good!